because im completely numb

you said once, you loved me, that i was complete perfection.
a true beauty in your eyes, your tink, your favorite dream.

and i fucking could have sworn you were the one.

then you told me we were through, now my heart aches tremendously.
my stomach is in knots. my eyes drenched with tears.

reminding myself to breathe, i must keep my head up, keep moving on.
its just so hard though, because i am completely uncomfortably numb.

-G

undercurrent

cant breathe, cant feel, cant stay afloat.
the wonders of this despair, a rapture you have created
my world upside down
im learning to enjoy the view.  
you say i'm worthless, i've been a terrible pawn.
to play your games.
you utter, "forgiveness is key"
yet why do you constantly push me away
ebb&flow
torture
relentless punishment
your soul, so black like this dark ocean i try to swim
my arms yet they stay open
forever
for what

summer 2006

walls too high

brick walls
build them, though not too high
so as not to see.
so as not to be trapped.

i keep reaching for the silver lining.
i'm reaching for you and you're not there,
yet in my head, your words echo...
"dont give up, we've gone so far"

my soul is dying, yet its this wall i keep climbing.
please no trespassing.
this is my space to live.
to love.
to learn. to die.

adapting to the change, i cant let you go.
in a perfect world this wouldn't have failed.
don't let us die, keep holding on
when all you've got are memories...
time feels so long

this humility is creating an inner strength, as i continue to build these walls

though you don't want them too high


summer 2006 

silent sinner

your prideful nature tore everything apart

when the lights go out

all youre left with is who you are

on your own

starting all over

summer 2006

past in present

i'm sorting through my belongings, and purging the old and unused. 

less is always better. 

isnt it?

i'm full of emotions right now as i write this entry. mixed with both eagerness and apprehension... i feel rather compelled, nonetheless, to share with you my excitement.

 this evening during my wine induced cleansing mission,  i stumbled upon old poetry books and journals of mine from over the past decade. 

having recently gone through an emotionally rough break-up nearing the end of 2009, i feel the incredibly strong need and want to share these poems with you over the next few days...

because he isnt here. 

these poems, some of them, have been trapped between stale yellowing pages for years... having never been shared before now. 

only felt, 

conceived, 

jotted down by me.

and then locked away for no ones eyes and heart to see or feel, but my own.  


and some of them, i've read to him before. but not all of them. 
and thats where we change it up. 


im exposing everything. 
past pain and fortune. 
tears shed, hearts broken. 

because one thing i've learned recently...

if i close my eyes and let go...inside, i can feel the change.

and the change is good. 

the uncomfortable change is even better. 




 (previous post is also by yours truly)

untitled

laying awake,
wiping my tears away.
the memories and thoughts of you send shivers down my spine.
did you ever love me?


gina guerrero -  circa summer 2006

uplift

“Make a radical change in your lifestyle & begin to boldly do things which you may previously never have thought of doing, or been too hesitant to attempt. So many people live within unhappy circumstances & yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, & conservation, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, & hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new & different sun. If you want to get more out of life, you must lose your inclination for monotonous security & adopt a helter-skelter style of life that will at first appear to you to be crazy. But once you become accustomed to such a life you will see its full meaning & its incredible beauty.” — Jon Krakauer, Into the Wild.